A Cappuccino River Runs Through It ~ Let the Laughter Ring ~ Part 2

Games … songs … crafts.

Smiling faces waiting to play.

Abby ~ the “pied piper”.

Koover ~  interpreter ~ the language of soccer.

“Shake it all about” ~ more than 150 bodies doing the hokey-pokey.

Rest & Repeat

~ Contagious Joy ~

~ Lessons in Motherhood ~

A few weeks ago I received an invitation to speak at a mom’s group about parenting, and ever since I said yes I have struggled with what to share.  Over the weeks, I have thought about, and prayed about, all of the lessons of motherhood that I have learned. That I am still learning.  The list is long.

When the kids were young I used to joke that “everything I learned about motherhood I learned from Mother Bear“.  “Little Bear”, by Maurice Sendak, was Abby’s absolute favourite children’s show, and Mother Bear was patient, gentle, soft-spoken … all the things I wanted to be, but struggled to achieve with regularity.  

There are so. many. lessons. and today at mom’s group {the weeks flew by}, I shared a few that God is still working out in my life.

1. There is no such thing as a perfect mother. You will never be perfect BUT you are the perfect mother for the children God has placed in your care.2. Some days you will feel like a failure, a “bad” mom. On those days remember to not beat yourself up; apologize and move on. If you were a “bad” mother you would not care about how your actions that day affected your children.

3. This might be controversial but I am going to say it anyway … The expectation that parenting multiple children needs to be “fair” is a myth. Every child is created different; expresses and feels love differently, responds to discipline differently, and sees the world differently. It is your job to parent each child in response, and in relation, to the way that he or she has been created. Rather than “fair”, try to be “consistent”. To the best of your ability, do what you say you are going to do, even when it is difficult. 4. When your children act like little angels in the presence or care of others, and then come home only to completely melt down, consider it a compliment. I know, it doesn’t feel very complimentary, BUT one of the reasons {there are so many} children act out at home is that they feel “safe” in their home environment. That feeling of safety allows them the freedom to express ALL their emotions and test boundaries. This is the case when they know that your love for them is unconditional, not dependant on their behavior, and can be a sign of child / parent trust. Your child may also be acting out for other reasons such as a need for attention, or feeling overtired. Be aware of your child’s cues and evaluate the cause of their behaviour.

5. Write it down. That cute little phrase, that funny story, that special trip to the park; if you want to remember it, write it down. I didn’t do enough of this. I guess I thought my memory was WAY better than it really is! Getting old sucks, and knowing that I have forgotten special moments sucks even more. 

“Mama, I wish we could be glued together” ~ Koover Schmidt

6. It’s ok if you want to go out in the evening without your children, but it’s also ok if you don’t. Friends often urged me, and my husband often encouraged me, to go out after the kids were settled. Sometimes I would go out and be so thankful I did, but other times I was just. too. tired. Listen to the cues of your body and mind. Invest in quality friendships, but also invest in rest. Both of these need to be intentional.

7. And on the subject of investing… Invest in your relationship with your husband. Respect him, encourage him with words, and show your love to him in a physical way. Make your relationship with him a priority. The way you and your husband interact HUGELY affects the security your children feel in your home. I recognize that I speak to this subject from a secure, committed relationship to a man who loves the Lord and his family. This may not be the case for you, but if you are walking with the Lord, you are called to honour your husband. Be a woman of integrity.

8. Let your children fail. I am probably the 100th person you have heard this from, but it is worth hearing one more time. It is WAY easier {and often faster} to “do” for your children than to let them “do” for themselves. It is also heartbreaking as a mother to watch your children fail as our motherly instinct is to protect. It is through failure that children learn, especially “failure” in a safe and nurturing environment. Be the cheerleader and encourager. Provide opportunities for both success and failure that nurture growth.

9. No child is perfect, don’t compare. Comparison kills, either way you spin it. Either your child comes out on top at the expense of another, filling you with unhealthy pride through sinful judgment, or your child doesn’t measure up to another child’s accomplishments and you are left with frustration and resentment. Remember that ALL children are created in the image of God, with unique talents and abilities. Celebrate your child’s uniqueness, and rejoice in the talents of others. 10. “There is nothing you can do that will make God love you more, and there is nothing you can do that will make God love you less. God’s love for you is perfect.” Own this. Tell it to your children. Remind yourself daily. If you are a follower of Jesus, you are covered by His grace. When you look at your children and you are overwhelmed with motherly love {maybe they are fast asleep in that adorable “surrender” position}, know that the feeling of love you have for them does not even come close to the magnitude of God’s love for you. Wow!

  “Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made,Were every stalk on earth a quill And every man a scribe by trade. To write the love of God above, Would drain the ocean dry, Nor could the scroll contain the whole Though stretched from sky to sky.”

~ Frederick Lehmen ~ The Love of God ~Thanks to Megan Edelman Photography in Victoria, BC Canada for the stunning photos from our 2012 {did I mention how time flies?} family photo session.